Tuesday, December 16, 2014

"It opened its mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and those who live in heaven." -Revelations 13:7

It started with a second. All of a sudden I was immersed in total darkness. That second stretched into minutes, days, weeks, years. I spent an eternity in utter blackness. I saw everything. Everything that has been. Everything that will be. All the lies. All the truths. Everything. For an eternity I lived and relived. Went in and out.

It all started with a car crash. The drunk driver came out of nowhere and hit my car. In that moment I lost everything. I lost my wife, my seven year old son, my eleven month old daughter in the back seat, my sanity. After that I lost ten years of my life to my comma.

The doctors said that I was lucky to have woken up and that I had to be careful because I could slip back into my comma pretty easily. So you can imagine that when the power went out that night I thought the worst. For that split second I was terrified and yet, strangely relieved. For years I’d considered the possibility of suicide. Just to see my family again. That’s probably why my shrink made me start writing this blog… But how can I help it?

She was the only one who understood me. The only one that didn’t mind my… abnormalities. Even when I had an episode, she was there with me all the way through it. Back then my episodes didn’t come nearly as often as they do anymore. Life was so much simpler. I heard them every once in a while but now they exist with me. They are now a part of me. The voices don’t leave. They’re a constant.

Constantly whispering. Sometimes screaming. When I’m alone in my apartment I can hear them. When I’m walking down Main Street I hear him. Even in the midst of a crowded room I hear him above them all. Constantly, ever whispering “This is the deceiver and the antichrist.”


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