"What makes Satan so evil?"
Clive asked the girl as he was cleaning off the knife he had just used to cut
up strawberries for their waffles. "What?" she responded. Clive
thought she was truly beautiful. It was such a shame he was going to have to
kill her. "Well," Clive responded, "In the bible. What makes God
so good and Satan so bad? After all Satan only ever killed ten people whereas
God killed millions." The girl stared at Clive like he crazy. They usually
did. "Um," the girl said, "I mean isn't the reason he's so bad
that he tempts people? Like with Eve in that garden?" Clive picked up
their waffles and brought them over to the girl on his couch. "So what
you're saying is that when I tempt you by offering you this waffle," Clive
could feel the knife pulsating in his back pocket. It wanted to take this
ignorant girl's life, "That I am essentially the devil himself?" The
girl took a bite of her waffle. "Well no but..." "AND!"
Clive exclaimed, "Does you accepting this waffle then make you a sinner
because you gave into temptation?" The girl was speechless. This is to be
expected since the guy was... What's the politically correct term for
"Fucking Insane"? I can never remember these things... "Well
then" said Clive as he gripped the knife in his back pocket, "as a
sinner I suppose it's time for you to be judged by my God and Father." Then
Clive pulled out the knife and...
After waking up
from that dream I knew it was going to be one of those days. I’d had invasive dreams like that before (hell I have
them while I’m awake) but that one felt… different somehow. It’s that I felt
scared or concerned by this… I don’t know. It was something. I could tell just
through the crack in my curtain that the sun was feeling particularly ignescent
today. I wouldn’t have gone outside if it weren’t my appointment. Unfortunately
I had to go to see Dr. Clemont. Isn’t there some rule about quacks being
therapists? Cause Dr. Clemont isn’t exactly all there (sorry if you’re reading
this Doc but you told me to be truthful).
Unfortunately Dr. Clemont’s office was
in downtown, not in Dreamwood where I lived. This wouldn’t have been a problem
except it involved getting on the subway. I hated being on the subway. Being
underground always made me feel uneasy and yet… strangely at home.
Evil. Sinner. Blasphemous. How is it that the same
words can be so beautiful and so terrible at the same time? Why is it that
humanity, after everything, hasn’t been able to define the most archaic of
ideas? Good vs Evil. Light vs Dark. Comedy vs Tragedy. Moral vs Immoral. Maybe
if we were different it would be more complicated but to me, with humanity, it
seems so much simpler. There is just Evil. There is just Darkness. Just
Tragedy. Just Immoral. Every decision anyone makes is selfish. People only help
others so they can feel good about themselves.
These were thoughts running through my
head in the waiting room of Dr. Clemont’s when she walked up. By the look on
her face I guess I must have been thinking out loud again. I have to remember
to stop doing that while in a shrink’s office. So while I’m thinking this girl
walks up. Usually I just don’t humor people who try to talk to me but there was
something different about this one. She was so beautiful she almost made me
forget about Elizabeth. She also seemed familiar to me. Like I’d seen her
before. In any case, she talked to me for a good long while about nothing in particular
before I finally got bored with her. She said she owned some cupcake place and
asked if I’d visit. Anything to shut you
up. So I said sure.
After my extremely uneventful therapy
session where I didn’t discover anything about myself or my little friend in my
head I went home. When night rolled around I decided to take a walk like
Clemont had told me to. I couldn’t stop thinking about my dream and what made
it feel different. I was walking past the old asylum on Herschel Johnson Rd.
when a meteor shower began overhead. Uncontrollably, I dropped to the ground
and was overcome by an unprecedented display of ecstasy. It was in that moment
that I figured out what was so unnerving about my devastatingly inhuman dream.
It wasn’t that it made me feel scared or concerned. It was that it didn’t.
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